It Take A Village ~ A sense of belonging and shared purpose is essential for human well-being

Sep 18, 2024 | by Yuliya Patsay

(Listen to Yuliya's Audio Version here!)

It’s 8:27 a.m. on a foggy Thursday across the Golden Gate Bridge, and at the sonorous call of a gong, children of all ages begin to trickle into a large light-filled room with a pastel pink piano in one corner, fresh flowers in vases all around, and knitted gnomes and creatures tucked away in the alcoves. Accompanied by kindergarten teachers Chako San and Spadarina Marta (their honorifics a nod to their respective cultures, Japanese and Bulgarian), the youngest students snuggle up alongside the oldest middle school students and greet their teachers in the language of that teacher’s home country or culture. They continue with a song to start the morning meeting, a gathering that takes place most mornings at a small independent school in Sausalito, founded on the belief that it takes a community to raise children—or rather that it takes a village—and thus its name: The New Village School.

Conceived in the living room of Greg and Aimee Price in 2008, The New Village School was founded on the principle of a singular commitment to community, recreating a time when we all lived together in villages and took care of one another’s children. The families who came together did more than just send their kids to school; they also made meals together, spent vacations together, and truly showed up for one another. The Price family reflects on those early days with fondness, “We felt like we were co-parenting each other’s children, we felt like a family.” The Prices, along with several dedicated teachers and parents, created a school based on Homo sapien’s primal survival instinct: when we live in community with others—whether in a simple village or a modern school—we thrive, both individually and collectively.

Village life

There are many reasons that living in community was essential to our survival as human beings, rooted in both our biology and history. Early humans needed to band together to hunt larger animals and defend themselves. Working as a group allowed people to build better shelters, gather more food, and provide care for the young and elderly. Being in an intergenerational community also meant that you could share and pass down skills and knowledge. And when members provided diverse abilities and ways of thinking (what we now call neurodiversity) the group as a whole would thrive. For children in particular, being a member of a community is foundational to their growth and social, emotional, and intellectual development. A strong community provides children a sense of belonging—a fundamental human need—as well as a safe place to explore their identity. “When you’re in community, you can experience yourself through other people,” observes Amber Allen-Peirson, a poet, community builder, mother, and CEO/Founder of Clearly Clarity LLC. She explains, “You need other people to learn to develop your emotional toolkit and navigate relationships [and] … being with other people allows children to practice critical skills—grace, patience, kindness, how to set boundaries, and how to navigate disagreements.”

All shapes and sizes

Communities vary greatly, but they share key characteristics:

• There is a common thread that binds community members together. This could be anything from a geographic location (e.g., a neighborhood), to a common interest (e.g., fitness), or to a shared identity (e.g., culture or a religious community).
• The members of a community feel a sense of belonging, a connection to the group, and a sense of acceptance for who they are. This feeling of belonging is crucial for fostering trust and emotional well-being.
• In all communities, there are interactions and channels of communication between the members. This could be face-to-face or virtual.
• What often knits the community together is shared values or goals: a sense of common purpose or shared beliefs that unite the community and motivate members to contribute.
• Ideally, there’s a sense of mutual support and reciprocity where members help each other out, share resources, and celebrate each other’s successes.

“A strong community provides children a sense of belonging—a fundamental human need—as well as a safe place to explore their identity.”

Nurturing a village

Once a community has been established, nurturing and maintaining it requires: 

• Actively cultivating a welcoming environment so members both new and old can feel comfortable and supported
• Fostering engagement by providing opportunities for members to connect, share ideas, and participate in activities that are relevant to their interests. This can involve events, online forums, discussions, or volunteer opportunities.
• Open communication and transparency: leaders should be clear and upfront about decisions and the community’s direction, and encourage open communication and feedback from members to address concerns and improve the community experience.
• Recognizing and rewarding contributions: show appreciation for members who volunteer their time, share their expertise, or contribute to the community in positive ways. This can be through public recognition, awards, or simply expressing gratitude.
• Adapting to change: communities need to evolve over time to stay relevant and meet the changing needs of their members. Be open to new ideas, incorporate member feedback, and adapt activities or resources as needed.
• Conflict resolution: disagreements are inevitable in any community so having clear guidelines for respectful communication and a fair process for addressing conflict can help maintain a positive and productive community atmosphere.

Finding your village

Strong communities can be found both near and far. The TIKVAH School of Music and Dance, which offers a unique bicultural kids program taught in Russian by native-speaking instructors and operates out of the Jewish Community Center of San Francisco (JCCSF), explores Jewish culture through music, dance, art, and Shabbat celebrations. This program has kept the community of Russian-speaking immigrants in San Francisco and their children together and united them through shared love and appreciation of the Jewish culture and Russian language, conducting classes in Russian and English. Semi-annual performances draw crowds of supportive parents, grandparents and friends eager to get to know their friend’s cultures and traditions. Similar to the JCCSF, community centers like the YMCA, Boys & Girls Club, public libraries, rec centers, and other neighborhood or faith-based centers, share many common goals aimed at enriching the lives of their members and the surrounding community. They provide spaces for people to meet, build relationships, and feel like they’re part of something bigger than themselves as well as offer support services, educational programs, workshops, and classes to help people learn new skills. One local organization that’s building and nurturing community is Play Marin, whose work addresses two fundamental challenges Marin City youth face: adequate access to extracurricular and athletic opportunities in Marin City, and the lack of racial, ethnic, and socioeconomic diversity in the broader Marin community. The benefit of a more diverse peer group for the children participating cannot be overstated. Diversity in a global context is especially important since we tend to form communities based on geography, but need to learn to engage globally. Allen Peirson shares her work in establishing the program Bridge the Gap, which brought African-American students from Marin together with students from Daraja Academy in Kenya, and has been instrumental in shaping global citizens. The program took three cohorts of teens to Kenya and focused its curriculum around building identity as young women. They explored topics like empowerment, cultivating a sense of belonging, and the similarities and differences of racism and tribalism. The connections forged by those involved in the program are maintained to this day with the women staying in touch and supporting each other’s lives. And we can’t ignore the impact technology has had on introducing endless opportunities to join and cultivate virtual communities. From weekly video chats with grandparents across the country to neighborhood WhatsApp groups, individuals can stay connected with others more easily despite their location or availability. When appropriate limits are set, kids and teens can socialize, collaborate, or compete by gaming with local or international peers. A healthy amount of game time, when balanced with other “real life” activities (e.g. extracurriculars, homework, family game night) can have a positive impact on children as they navigate our ever-expanding technological world, especially those who find in-person socialization overwhelming. Busy parents have access to engaging at-home virtual exercise groups, from yoga to cycling to total body workouts, many with apps that provide variability, motivation, and connection with other members near and far. And for those who may feel like outliers in their local communities, virtual groups can provide support and comfort. One parent of a profoundly gifted Autistic/ADHDer states, “Connecting virtually with parents whose kids have similar learning profiles as my child validates my concerns and experiences. We share stories about school successes and failures or suggest enrichment activities and supports. Each family’s story is different, but we share a common thread of parenting a neurodiverse child in a neurotypical world. In many ways, it’s like free group therapy.”

Growing together

Sixteen years after the establishment of The New Village School, the community is vibrant. As the school day draws to a close at 3:15 p.m., parents and caregivers gather to pick up kids. Many arrive an hour early to support the third-grade play performance attended by all of the younger grades. A few sixth graders, with the help of teacher Yana Meydbrey, set up shop in the Shefe—a cafe in a shed—to sell treats they’ve baked to support next year’s trip to Europe, for which they must raise the funds themselves. A fourth-grade mom tracks down a second grader her daughter has befriended to hand over a bag of hand-me-down clothes her child has hand-selected to go to her younger friend. Greg Price, who has returned to the Board of Directors and visits the school frequently, reflects that while the components—teachers, students, families—may change, the core of what makes this a community remains. The threads of our villages weave a vital tapestry into the fabric of our lives. From the nurturing embrace of a school to the global bridges built through cultural exchange, a sense of belonging and shared purpose is essential for human well-being. By appreciating and fostering diverse and inclusive communities, we can ensure that future generations inherit a world rich in connection.

Yuliya (it rhymes with Goo-lia) is Soviet-born and San Francisco-raised. She is a storyteller and voice actor. Her debut memoir, Until the Last Pickle, is available now!

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